Lucid Dream Induction Techniques

Do you want to have a sexy lucid dream (or any kind of lucid dream), but you’re not sure how to get lucid? Then this blog is for you! These are the lucid dream induction techniques with which I have had the most success …

Setting a Strong Intention. Set an intention to become lucid in your dreams, and include why you want to become lucid. If your intention includes how your lucidity will benefit others, that will make it even more powerful. An example of a powerful intention is: “My intention is to become lucid in my dreams so that I can explore my sexuality so that I may have greater acceptance for all sexual expressions that exist in the universe.” Make sure that the intention is authentic for you. After you have set the intention, release it and remain unattached to the outcome.

Dream Journaling or Voice Recording. Immediately upon waking up in the morning, write (or voice record) your dreams. This will send a message to your subconscious mind that you are prioritizing your dream world. If you cannot remember anything at first, don’t worry, simply continue to bring your awareness to your dreams in the morning, and eventually you will remember more and more. Write down anything that you remember, even if it’s just a sense of what might have happened.

Do Frequent State Checks Throughout the Day. During the day, pause and ask yourself the question, “Am I dreaming?” Look around at the world and try to view it as if it were a dream (because it is!) You can also “check your state” in one of the following ways: look at your hand, look for your shadow, try to find the sun and the moon, or jump into the air. If you do any of these actions in a dream, you will notice something is off. For example, when I look at my hand in a dream, it might look huge with super long skinny fingers. The more you look at your hand in your waking life, the more likely you will do so in a dream, and in this way you can realize that you are dreaming. 

Seed your Dreams with Pre-Sleep Mindfulness. Whatever is going on in your mind as you fall asleep seeds your dreams. So if you want to have a sexual dream, think sexual thoughts before you go to sleep. In vivid detail, visualize precisely what you want to experience in your dreams. Do not let yourself get carried away by your thoughts, however. You are the creator of your thoughts, remember that. You want to be very mindful in the time before you fall asleep so that your mindfulness comes with you into your dreams. 

Wake Induced Lucid Dreaming. This is perhaps the most powerful lucid dreaming technique I know. Earlier in the night, we spend more time in deep sleep and less time in REM. Later in the night and into the morning, the opposite is true. This is why we have more dreams closer to the morning. Wake induced lucid dreaming or WILD is the technique of waking up in the middle of the night (usually after 4 to 6 hours of sleeping) and intentionally staying awake for at least 20 minutes before re-entering dream land. If you meditate or practice mindfulness during this time frame, all the better. With this technique, we are attempting to bring our waking consciousness with us directly into our dreams. 

Mnemonic Induction. This is another super powerful technique that you can use when you wake up from a dream in the middle of the night. Immediately upon waking, go over the details of the dream in your mind a few times. Then you will add into the dream a memory of yourself becoming lucid and doing whatever you want to do. For example, you may imagine that you became lucid, found a lover and made love to him or her. Keep repeating this memory over and over again as you fall back asleep.


I hope these techniques are as helpful for you as they have been for me. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions. I wish you luck in your dreaming pursuits! 

Five Benefits of Lucid Dream Sex

If you talk to almost any avid lucid dreamer, they will tell you the two activities that they most commonly engage when they realize lucidity in their dreams - flying and sex. Today I want to share with you how lucid dream sex can be a wonderful opportunity for delightful experiences as well as spiritual growth. 

Benefit #1 Lucid dream sex can activate your inner playfulness and creativity. You can have so much fun in the night. You may choose a dream character to make love with, or you may intentionally invite someone into the dream. There are no rules of physical reality so you can get super creative with your positions, locations and sensations. I once had lucid dream sex where it felt like my yoni was infinitely long, an endless channel of pleasure. As my dream sex partner penetrated me, his energy traveled deeper and deeper inside of me, with no physical barriers to how deep he could go.

Benefit #2 It can help you get out of your head and into your body. Especially if you are someone who tends to be ‘in your head’ during sex, sexual lucid dreams can be a training ground for more embodied sexual experiences when you are awake. When we dream, our frontal cortex is naturally less active and our primal brain is naturally more active. Our frontal cortex controls our decision making, our judgment and our logical reasoning. Our primal brain is our older, deeper, more animalistic brain. It is the area where instincts originate. Thus, the focus of our consciousness when we are dreaming is different than the focus of our consciousness when we are awake. This allows for uninhibited, raw, primally sexual dream experiences without the interference of the logical mind. With practice, you can learn to bring this primal, embodied sexuality with you into your waking life.

Benefit #3 You can explore your sexual desires in a safe, controlled environment with no physical repercussions. Have you ever been curious about poly-sexuality? Bi-sexuality? Having sex with a particular person? Well, your dreams can be a wonderful place to explore these areas of your sexuality. They can fulfill these needs or desires of yours without you having to actually engage them on the physical plane. You may find that you are a very different person in your dreams than when you are awake, and this is important to be conscious of. Just because something feels right in a dream does not mean that it would feel right in waking life. This is okay. You can simultaneously honor both ways of being without needing to make them mean anything. If you do choose to have sex with a particular person, recognize that you are actually having sex with a version of that person that your mind has created, and not the actual person. Dreams are powerful, so you want to be careful not to project onto that person without their consent.

Benefit #4 Dream lovemaking can guide you to know the different aspects of yourself on a very deep level. I once had a dream in which my Inner Masculine was making love to my Inner Feminine, on an intergalactic throne overlooking our solar system. I first occupied the body of my Inner Masculine and then switched to the body of my Inner Feminine, so I got to experience being and making love with both of these aspects of myself. I experienced the nurturing, wise, magical aspects of my Inner Feminine, and the gentle strength of my Inner Masculine. It gave me a deeper appreciation of my whole self than I had previously experienced. When you make love in a lucid dream, ask yourself, “Which part of me am I occupying? Which part of me am I making love to?” Consider how you are showing up in this lovemaking experience. It will give you insights into how you show up with yourself, how you treat yourself and how you love yourself. You can apply a version of the golden rule here: ‘Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.’

Benefit #5 You can transmute passionate sexual energy into com-passionate love energy. One of the reasons I love working with sexual energy is that it is so potent, so tangible. While we might not all have a sense of what the energy of compassion feels like, most of us understand what the energy of sexual turn on feels like. If we start paying attention to the particular characteristics of our sexual energy, we can learn to elevate and expand that energy to experience our own energy of compassion. Our hearts are so connected to our genitalia. While having lucid dream sex, try using your breath to cycle your sexual energy from your genitals, to your heart, and then back down to your genitals. As you inhale, the energy moves up and as you exhale, the energy moves back down. Visualize this movement of energy as you breathe, and see what happens! See if you can learn to turn the heat of passion into the warmth of compassion.




Lucid Living

“Samsara is mind turned out, lost in its projections. Nirvana is mind turned in, recognizing its true nature.” - Tulku Rinpoche

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my inner world these days. I’m feeling mostly quiet and contemplative, more receptive than directive. I am learning so much. My main focus has been cultivating lucidity, both in my waking life and in the night as I sleep and dream. Within this process, I have experienced a simple truth: 

The more lucid I become, the more quickly my intentions become reality. 

This is very clear in my dreams. The more lucid I am in a dream, the more I can create the dream as I desire. For example, I am able to change objects or scenery, I have the power to invite people into the dream, or I may work to improve a skill, such as flying.

The same applies to my waking life. The more lucid I am in my waking life, the more I can create my life as I desire. With greater lucidity, I naturally attract the right relationships into my life, I am supported in my life work, and I end up being in the right places at the right times. 

Lucidity is power, and here’s why: As we become more lucid, we become more in touch with our true nature. Our true nature is connected to everything, so the more we live from this place, the more capacity we have to co-create with the universe. 

In my view, lucidity is the single greatest source of power. It is accessible to almost every single human on the planet, and it’s totally free. Nearly all humans have the capacity to look deeply within ourselves (our minds and our bodies). Sometimes, what we find is hard to look at. But if we stay with it, there is a deep peace and a great power on the other side. 

I want to share with you my current favorite meditation* for cultivating lucidity:

Step 1. Lie down on your back, place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart

Step 2. With eyes open, take 21 breaths as you look at the sky or the ceiling

Step 3. Close your eyes and continue to breathe, but stop counting and feel the breath

Step 4. Begin observing your thoughts. Notice what arises. (NOTE: you can do this with feelings, emotions or sensations as well!)

Step 5. As a thought arises, see if you can trace the thought back to it’s source. Where did it come from? What was the origin of that thought? If you can identify the source, the thought will dissolve into no-thingness. 

The whole process should last at least ten minutes, but you can go longer if you’d like. You can use this process just before sleep to induce lucid dreaming, or during the day to induce lucid wakefulness! Lucid dreaming supports lucid waking and vice versa. Lucidity creates more lucidity!

May you enjoy your journey towards greater lucidity, and please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions!

*This meditation was adapted from the book Dream Yoga by Andrew Holocek

A Guide to Consciously Turning On a Woman

A woman gets aroused from the outside in. Take your time, do NOT rush her, do NOT prematurely enter her. This takes a lot of discipline, but it will be well worth it. A fully turned on woman means longer, deeper more connected pleasure for the both of you. 

Start with her non-genital erogenous zones. Gaze into her eyes, connecting to her soul. Gently caress and massage her body. Ask her where on her body she likes to be touched, and touch her there. Ask her if it feels good, and if not, what she would prefer.

Spend time massaging her legs and thighs. Her legs are the pillars to her temple, so if you can relax her legs, her yoni will relax and open.

The positive pole of a woman’s sexuality is her heart, meaning if you open her heart, you’ll open her yoni. (This is opposite of a man, whose positive pole is his cock). You’ll want to connect with her emotionally, genuinely show her that you love her and care about her. Make her feel safe and connected to you.

You may gently cup and massage her breasts, which are connected to her heart. Massaging the breasts relaxes and opens up the yoni. You can gently stroke or suck her nipples if she enjoys that. Again, if you aren’t sure, ask her what she likes.

If you feel or sense that she wants to be kissed on the lips, kiss her. Relax your mouth and tongue as you kiss her, this will help her relax too.

Take your time with her, and eliminate all expectation for what will happen, simply be in the moment, be with her, tune into her body, give her what she needs. Hold the masculine for her by showing her that you’ve got her, so that she can relax fully into her feminine.

When you sense that she is fully relaxed, you may move your attention to her vulva. Before you touch her vulva, look at it and tell her specific ways in which you find it to be beautiful. You can appreciate its physical form, or its capabilities, or anything else that you love. Then place your hands one on top of the other over her vulva and pressurize it with your entire palm. This will make her feel safe and secure. 

A woman has a vast network of erectile tissue in her body. All erectile tissue within the yoni fills with blood and plumps up when a woman is aroused - first the clitoris and the vestibular (labial) bulbs, and then the urethral sponge (which holds the G-spot) and the perineal sponge (above the perineum).

I recommend first pleasuring the labia, as the labia generally do not need moisture to be comfortable, while the rest of the yoni often does. To engorge the erectile tissue of the labia, gently stroke the labia with your fingers, or use the palm of your hand or your thigh to firmly and evenly press against them. With your thumb on one side of her labia and two fingers on the other side, you can gently pinch her outer lips together. You can even slap her vulva, just be sure to check with her about how much pressure she likes.

Once her labial bulbs are engorged (they will literally feel puffy), you can move to pleasure her clitoris. Using moisture from her or a natural lubricant, stroke the shaft of the clitoris using circular motions. Direct stimulation of the head may be too intense for some women, as it contains 6000-8000 nerve endings! Be sure to check in with her about the pressure, speed and stroke that she prefers. Continue to pleasure the clitoris and the external genitalia to bring her to a high level of arousal - this will ensure that her internal sponges plump up, making her ripe for entry. 

Tune into her experience… is she making sounds? Are her hips moving? Is she in her head or her body? Does she feel ready? These are all cues as to her level of arousal. Once she seems very aroused, you may consider moving your fingers inside of her. Feel for wetness at the entrance and add more as needed. Different women have varying levels of wetness and every woman has varying levels depending on where she is in her cycle. Be gentle at the entrance, as it is a very sensitive place for many women. Move your fingers ever so slowly inside of her. 

Once inside, you can look for the urethral sponge, the erectile tissue which contains the G-spot aka fire trigger. The specific location of the fire trigger varies from woman to woman. The urethral sponge is a tube that wraps around the urinary tract and contains the paraurethral glands, the source of female ejaculation aka squirting! You will find it somewhere along the front wall of the vagina.

The perineal sponge is best accessed through the back wall of the vagina and/ or the anus. Once engorged, both of the sponges like firm, rhythmical rubbing and thrusting. To stimulate the sponges, try:

  • One finger or two (try both, see how she responds)

  • ”Come here” gesture, stroking along the length

  • Windshield wiper, firmly back and forth

  • Two fingers inside, thumb outside, grip the whole area and vibrate your hand, start small and get more and more intense

  • Run your fingers along the “gutters” on either side of the tube. Reach back to the end of the tube and pull it towards you

If she feels like she has to pee (and her bladder is empty), she may not be aroused enough for stimulation of the inner sponges, in which case you can remove your fingers and return to external stimulation.

If you feel all of her erectile tissue very plump and her yoni abundantly wet, it is almost certain that she will want you to enter her with your cock. If so, enter her gently and enjoy the fruits of your labor!

How To Consciously Navigate Attractions

So you're in a monogamous, committed relationship, you love your partner, you want to be with them....AND.....You find yourself attracted to someone else. 

The attraction is there - it's real - AND your love and commitment to your partner is there - it's real. 

How do you consciously, lovingly, authentically navigate this situation?

The truth is, ALL of us have many attractions throughout the course of our lives. It's human nature. We are social creatures and, from an evolutionary standpoint, our multiple attractions are a key to the survival of the species. 

But what about NOW? There are 7.6 billion of us humans on the planet. Humankind is surviving. Thriving. Overpopulating the earth. 

So, at this point, we have the opportunity to be more discerning in our attractions. If we look closely, the depth and quality of our attractions varies greatly. Some are fleeting, highly sexual attractions. Some feel like an instantaneous emotional bond. Some are intellectual attractions that grow over time spent together. With so many different kinds of attractions, how do we know which ones to pay attention to, and what to do in response to them?

Look for the truth that underlies the attraction. Notice your mindset around it. Explore why you are attracted to this person, what it is you desire. 

Pay attention to the attractions that support you in being your most authentic self. Those that bring you personal fulfillment. Those that inspire your creative expression. Those that make you feel happy and alive! Those attractions have the potential benefit all beings. Those attractions are there to accelerate the evolution of humanity, to create more love and deeper connections.

Notice if this attraction is exclusive or inclusive. Do you want to spend time alone with this person or do you want to integrate them into your life? If you feel exclusive in your attraction, it's probably just for you, not for the world. That kind of attraction can be fun and beautiful in its own way but if you are committed to your partner, it will likely bring conflict to your relationship. Focus on the inclusivity, if it exists. How can you involve your partner (and the world) in this attraction? How can you use the fuel of this attraction to benefit beings and planet earth? 

Communicate with your partner. Lovingly, harmlessly share your truth with your partner. Ask for their thoughts and feelings, and honor their level of comfort. Sometimes they won't be comfortable. Sometimes they will. If you are open and clear about where you stand, you can more easily make a decision together about how to proceed. 

Honor the attraction. If this attraction is in alignment with your authentic expression, honor it! Bring this person into your life in whatever way feels comfortable and aligned for you and your partner. Keep the communication open, keep the truth flowing, keep the love alive.  

To your Conscious Attractions, 

Katie 

How To Alleviate Anxiety

Do you experience anxiety? I can relate. I have had several periods of anxiety in my life and I have made an intention to understand the underlying causes of anxiety so that when it does arise, I may move through it quickly and naturally, and help others to do the same.

First, anxiety is always about desires and fears. It usually comes from the experience that what we desire, we also fear. We may fear that we won’t get what we desire, we may fear that we will get what we desire (and that it won’t actually be what we want), or we may fear that we’ll get something that we don’t desire. 

I’ll give you an example for this. I have a desire to live in a safe, warm, quiet place during the winter. I desire to feel grounded and able to do my work from this place. I fear that I won’t be able to create this for myself every winter, and so I feel anxious. 

Second, anxiety is always about the past or the future. It’s never about the present moment. Notice my example above - it’s about future winters. Although I am living in a safe, warm, grounded place this winter, I still feel anxiety about future winters. Anxiety is bringing the future or the past (neither of which actually exist!) into the present. 

Third, anxiety is caused by an imbalance between our feelings and our emotions.

What’s the difference between feelings and emotions?

Feelings are a subjective interpretation of a combination of sensations that we experience in the moment. For example, the sensations I experience in this moment are warmth, relaxation and stillness…. therefore I feel calm. 

Emotions are energy organizing our experiences through time. Thoughts, beliefs and stories about the past and future all contribute to our emotions. In my above example, I have a complexity of thoughts and stories about my fate for future winters that all contribute to an emotional experience of worry and fear. 

If we are living more in our emotions than in our feelings, we are likely to be anxious. 

So now that you hopefully have a deeper understanding of what anxiety is, how can you address it?

Option 1: Understand the underlying desires and fears contributing to your anxiety. If possible, take action to address them. I’m creating a list of winter options for myself so that I can see how many possibilities there are. I’m also reaching out to loved ones for support.

Option 2: Have a mindfulness practice, bringing your awareness more often into the present moment. This can be tough when anxiety is really alive in your system, but it works well as a preventive practice - you will notice the effects of it over time. One example of a mindfulness practice you may enjoy is mindfulness meditation, in which you watch your thoughts from the perspective of the Observer or Witness within you.

Option 3: Bring yourself into the sensations in your body, spending more time in feeling, in the present moment. This can be done in a variety of ways. My favorite tools to address this are:

  • Breath work (deep belly breathing and alternate nostril breathing are my favorites)

  • Shaking and sounding (stand or lie down and literally shake your body as you sound to release the anxiety)

  • Get into a state of flow. What experiences can you create in your life that will drop you fully into the present moment? Commit to engaging in these experiences more frequently. I get into flow by barefoot rock hopping up creeks. Rock hopping requires a deep level of focus so my mind really has to be present in order to keep my body safe. Also, in nature all my senses are engaged - my eyes take in the beauty of the environment, I smell the trees and the flowers, I hear birds, and I feel the earth beneath my feet.

In my experience, working with all three of the above options is most effective.

Also, it should be noted that stimulants such as caffeine, sugar, and even excessive screen time may contribute to anxiety, so you may consider minimizing these if you experience anxiety. 

I hope this was helpful for you, and please feel free to reach out if you have any questions!

With Love,
Katie

How to Turn Pain Into Pleasure

Pain is one of our greatest teachers. When we experience our pain - I mean really experience it - on the other side there is always the opportunity for pleasure. When we try to numb out or ignore our pain, it doesn’t actually go away. 

I’m not a person who actively seeks pain, nor do I recommend that you do so. But human life inevitably comes with pain, at one time or another, in one form or another. These times of pain are opportunities.

I’m also not suggesting that you immerse into your pain. It is quite different to become enmeshed with your pain than to be consciously aware of and present to your pain. I suggest the latter. 

Here’s why:  the quality of pain is not so different than the quality of pleasure. What is physical pain, really? It’s your subjective interpretation of a combination of sensations. And what is physical pleasure? It’s also your subjective interpretation of a combination of sensations.

Here’s an example:

The sensations of pain might be HOT, STAGNANT, and HEAVY.

The sensations of pleasure might be WARM, FLOWING and LIGHT.

When does HOT become WARM?
When does STAGNANT become FLOWING?
When does HEAVY become LIGHT? 

Where are our boundaries between pain and pleasure?

If we can learn to transmute the sensations, we create the opportunity to transform the feeling.

But how do we do this?

Step 1 - Identify the specific sensations of the pain. (Sensations are objective descriptors like warm, cool, tight, relaxed)

Step 2 - Focus your awareness completely on the pain. You are a witness observer of your pain. Be curious and notice what is present. 

Step 3 - Send high vibration energy of gratitude, compassion and/or acceptance to this pain. 

Step 4 - Be in service to the pain. What does it need? For example, if it feels compressed, give it more spaciousness. You can do this physically by repositioning your body or you can do this by visualizing spaciousness in the area. If it needs love, send it love from your heart or use loving touch. Be creative!

Step 5 - Observe as the sensations change. Don’t have any expectations about what will happen. Simply be with the experience and surrender to the mystery. 

This is a simple process but it may take practice to master! We have been trained to move away from our pain, rather than towards it, so to stay focused on the pain can take some training. Think of it like a meditation. 

In case you are wondering, this also works with emotional pain. Just as physical pain is a subjective interpretation of our physical sensations, emotional pain is a subjective interpretation of our thoughts & experiences over time. So the trick with emotional pain is to identify the underlying thoughts and experiences that have created the painful emotion, to re-wire those thoughts and to change your story. In this way we can turn emotional grief into joy, anger into passion or anxiety into calmness. 

Good luck and feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions!

Why I Love Being On My Period

I actually LOVE being on my period. It makes me feel feminine, magical and connected to nature. But I haven’t always felt this way…

Six years ago, I was soaking in a sacred hot spring at the base of a snowy mountain in Colombia. It was a magical place, reserved only for those who could find it. It had taken us two full days of trekking to reach the springs and we had passed three other couples en route who had tried to find it, only to get lost and have to turn back. When we arrived, there was only one other couple there - local Colombians -  as well as the campesino who stewarded the land for visitors. I had already been traveling in Colombia for four months, with all of my belongings on my back, sleeping in a tent and living closely with nature. Of all the incredible moments on that journey, the conversation I had in that tub stands out as the most life changing. 

A Colombian woman and I began speaking of sexuality. She was beautiful, sweet, and a few years older than me. In Spanish, we spoke of what we enjoyed sexually, our sexual struggles, and finally the topic of birth control. I had been on The Pill for almost 10 years, since the age of 16. She, on the other hand, had her cycle synced with the moon & tracked her ovulation, avoiding intercourse (while still being sexual) on and near her most fertile days. She spoke of how the hormones were not good for our feminine bodies or for Pachamama, our Mother Earth. The way she spoke about her cycle, her sexuality and the earth felt so beautiful to me, and I immediately knew that I needed to follow her lead - for my own health and for the health of the planet. I stopped taking birth control pills that day. 

Over the next several months, I felt my true self emerging from behind the birth control facade. My connection to nature deepened as I synced my cycle to the moon. My sex drive increased. I felt more whole, more real, more connected to my body. I hadn’t realized how much of my essence The Pill was blocking. I felt liberated!

What I hadn’t anticipated was the pain. By stopping birth control, I had invited menstrual cramps (which I hadn’t experienced since high school) back into my life. I began to dread my periods. I would lie at home in bed, writhing in pain or watching movies to distract myself from the excruciating cramps. Or if I had to be out in the world, I would block the symptoms with painkillers, often wishing that I could somehow remove my uterus from my body. 

I started to wonder if this was really how it was supposed to be. It didn’t make sense to me that being a woman on planet earth should necessarily come with monthly pain and a desire to disconnect from my own body. Was it possible for my period to be a positive experience?

So I began my research. Unwilling to go back on The Pill and weary of overusing pharmaceutical pain killers, I began by looking at natural pain relief herbs like ginger and nettle. Making tea from the fresh herbs helped some, but it truly only scratched the surface. Though healthier than Ibuprofen, herbs were still a band-aid approach that targeted my symptoms rather than the underlying cause.

After six months in Colombia, I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico and began a three year internship with a doctor of Integrative Medicine. Under his mentorship, I had the opportunity to research in depth the underlying causes of menstrual cramps. The most significant piece of evidence that I found was around hormone-like compounds prostaglandins that cause the “cramping” of the uterus. High amounts of prostaglandins in the body lead to increased menstrual cramping. As it turns out, all animal protein contains high amounts of prostaglandins. I found out that by eliminating animal protein from my diet for a few days leading up to my period until Day 2 or 3 (5 or 6 days total), my cramps decreased significantly.

Since my research so far had resulted in profound effects, I decided to keep going to see just how much pain I could eliminate. I had been practicing Yoga for several years and I wondered if this ancient tradition had any wisdom to offer. I discovered that B.K.S. Iyengar had identified 25 poses that help to alleviate menstrual pain. So I incorporated some of these poses into my yoga practice during cycle… and my pain decreased even further. 

I was pretty satisfied with my muted level of pain through applying my research in Herbs, Integrative Medicine & Yoga, so I stopped doing research for a couple of years. Although I still had some mild pain, my periods were no longer something to be dreaded. 

Two and a half years ago, my interest was re-ignited when I began studying mind-body integration techniques as part of my training to become a Love and Sexuality Coach. I realized that the womb holds deep wisdom that can be accessed through these techniques. I learned how to connect with my womb and to listen to her and she taught me that the time we bleed is an opportunity for us women to relax into our femininity… literally to relax & to receive.

I now approach my cycle with gratitude and gentleness. I view it as a time to go inward, to honor my femininity and to connect to nature. My pain has become virtually non-existent. I look forward to my Moon Cycle because it makes being a woman feel magical. It connects me to myself, to the cycles of nature and ultimately to all beings. We are all here because women bleed. 

*********************************************

Do you experience painful cycles? If so, I invite you to reach out to me with a private message. I would love to assist you in your journey to a pleasurable & pain free cycle. May all women know the magic of their bodies, the gifts of their femininity and their connection to all of nature. 

A Winter Love Story

Everyone always talks about Summer Love, but I never hear people talking about Winter Love. So here is my Winter Love Story…

Two winters ago, I had recently parted ways with a man who I felt deeply connected to. He wanted to be in an open relationship and I desired a deeper, more focused commitment. Wanting so badly to be with him, I tried to honor his desire to be in an open relationship, but ultimately I couldn’t do it - it wasn’t what I wanted, and he was unwilling to compromise. For the first time in my life, I felt rejected by someone who I deeply loved. I was so, so sad that this relationship didn’t work out in the way I desired. 

Prior to this happening, I never thought I was a person who didn’t love myself. I felt like I had a lot of love for myself, but what I came to realize was that I had been relying on external sources to validate my love for myself. I needed others to love me in order to feel love for myself. So when this man didn’t love me in the way that I desired, I questioned myself - my lovability & my desirability. It made me think a lot about who I was, and about who I wanted to become. 

I began reflecting on my past relationships. I realized I had been compromising myself - showing up how I believed others wanted me to - in order to feel loved. I realized that for most of my adult life up until this point, I had always been involved with a man. I had had lots of committed relationships, and in between relationships, I had lovers. There had rarely been even a single day when there wasn’t a man in my life - someone who loved, admired and desired me. 

In all of my adult life, I had never given myself the opportunity to really be with myself, to learn who I truly was. I decided to make a commitment to be in an exclusive relationship with myself for four months, during the winter and early spring. I wouldn’t engage any kind of romantic relationship with anyone except myself, for an entire four months.

During those four months, I did deep inner work. I spent an hour each day engaged in sacred sexuality practices, self love practices, and meditation - deepening my connection to my sexuality, my heart and my mind. I became really curious about who I was, and how I wanted to live my life. I spent a lot of time doing things I loved, independent of others. I contemplated my purpose.

I also looked at the things I didn’t want to look at - the parts of myself that I felt ashamed of, the parts of myself that I feared others would judge. I let myself experience all of my emotions, even the ones that I had been taught didn’t look good, like anger and grief. I brought my darknesses to the surface.

It was the most healing winter. I came to love myself so deeply, so fully (even the dark parts), without need for any external validation. For the first time in my life, I LOVED being alone with myself, exploring my sexuality, spending my free time however I wanted to. I felt blissfully full of love, light and sexual aliveness.

I emerged in the spring with a grounded joyful confidence, more myself than ever before. I had promised that I would not engage in any kind of romantic relationship with anyone else until April 16th, my 30th birthday. And on my 30th birthday, like clockwork, the most flowing, aligned, soul connected love came into my life. I began a relationship with an incredibly evolved man who is on a similar life path, who supports me in being my most authentic self. And because of this work that I had done, I was ready for this relationship. If I hadn’t done this work, I would not have been ready for it. I would have stayed stuck in old patterns, looking for love, sexuality and purpose outside of myself.

This relationship has blossomed and flourished in the most beautiful ways. We share sacred sexual passion and a deep emotional connection. We are growing and learning so much from each other. Because we are so aligned, we spend very little time in conflict, and have abundant amounts of energy to live passionately and enjoy life.

This winter of love was the greatest gift I have ever given myself. I cherish my memories of that time spent with myself and even now that I am in relationship, I continue to spend time with myself almost every day to re-connect to the source of love within me. I know that doing so will bring even more love and connection to my relationship.

Five Questions for Sexual Self Discovery

As humans, we are highly sexual beings. One of the most ecstatic aspects of our humanity is our sexuality. In fact, our variable and dynamic sexuality sets us apart from (most of) the rest of the animal kingdom. 

Each one of us has a unique and authentic sexual expression, though our true sexual natures are almost always altered, suppressed or made wrong by society, our parents, porn, etc. from a very young age. Often we don’t know who we truly are sexually because we haven’t been given the opportunity to be completely open in the way we make love. We haven’t learned how to be fully present to what is showing up for us and our partners sexually.

How can we support ourselves and each other so that each one of us can freely and authentically express our sexual nature, while not imposing our way onto others?

We can engage the process of sexual self discovery!!!


Learning who you are sexually allows you to have the most satisfying sexual experiences. Sexuality is a major part of the human experience on planet earth. Bringing more consciousness into sex enhances your capacity for deep connection, profound pleasure, spiritual transcendence, delightful play, and whatever else you may desire! 


Here are a few questions to get you started:

#1 What are your primary motivations behind your sexual encounters? In other words, what drives you to be sexual? 

Make a list right now. Be honest.

(
Some possible answers):

*Release/ Relaxation
*Exploration
*Play
*Security
*Relationship Duty/ Obligation
*To please your partner
*Pleasure/ Orgasm
*Intimacy/ Connection
*Love
*Self Discovery
*Personal Growth
*Connection to Energy
*Spiritual Transcendence 

#2 What would you like your primary motivations behind your sexual encounters to be?

Write them down.


#3 How do #1 and #2 differ from each other? 

Note the differences and/ or similarities.


#4 What are your deepest sexual desires?

What do you seek from your sex life? What would you like your sexual encounters to be like?

Be as honest and open with yourself as possible, no matter how weird, or taboo or crazy you feel. We all have weirdness inside of us. This is your opportunity to let it out!


#5 How can you create more of what you want? 

Identify the obstacles to you having what you desire. Create and commit to a plan to move through those obstacles. Seek support where you need it.

Reflections on My Time at the Free Love Community of Tamera

What is Tamera?

Tamera is an intentional “free love” community of about 160 people on 300 acres in rural Southern Portugal. Their overall intention as I understand it is to create a reality in which all beings can live at peace with themselves, with each other, and with the planet. In addition to their impressive work in fields such as regenerative energy, water, and economy, Tamera is one of the few communities I know of to be actively researching how to be authentic & transparently honest in love and sexuality, which is what attracted me to visit.

What is Free Love?

Tamera defines it as love free from fear, lies and violence. Here at Tamera, people are free to follow their sexual and love desires, and are encouraged by the community to do so, on the basis that at the root of war & conflict, there is a suppression of ourselves, particularly of who we are as sexual and loving beings.

How do they deal with conflict?

As a community! When conflicts such as jealousy and unworthiness arise, the community members are asked to bring them into the open and work through them in a community support group called “Forum”.

What has their research found?

So far, not much definitively. They are not doing any specific research - they are letting themselves free flow and seeing what happens. Tamerians openly admit that they are “in process” and that they are making progress, but they have come to few definitive conclusions at this point.

They have discovered that the basis of change is in changing thoughts and beliefs. Changing the underlying thought structure makes way for changes in feelings and in action.

They have also discovered that most of the residents at Tamera have dynamic sexual expression over time. At times they are more polyamorous, other times more monogamous, and still other times not very sexual at all. This is not necessarily true of the general public but rather the people who are attracted to live in a community of Free Love.

Can their model be applied to communities outside of Tamera?

It depends. While I believe the work they are doing in the Love School is very important, it requires a lot of time and energy to integrate all the issues that come up. So if you have the time and energy, then yes. Human expression of love and sexuality is incredibly diverse and in many ways formed by the culture you live in. So while it is unlikely that their research will come to specific conclusions that can be universally applied, I do believe they may contribute tools, techniques and resources for allowing the natural unfolding of our authentic expression in love and sexuality.

What is the value of being at Tamera?

Tamera inspires and stimulates authentic creative expression, peace and honesty. Many of the residents are highly conscious beings who are clearly doing their life work in service to the greater good of humanity and the planet.

We need more communities doing this work, in their own way, for their own truths to be revealed. We need to change from a universal, homogenized love structure to a world that accepts each individual as the uniquely creative, uniquely sexual, uniquely loving beings that we are.

You can read more about them at www.tamera.org.

How to Have a Clear Peaceful Mind

A clear peaceful mind is the greatest gift of love you can offer to your relationships. 

A clear peaceful mind prevents you from projecting issues from the past into the present. It prevents you from projecting onto others AND from feeling “projected upon”. It allows you to discern between personal issues and relationship issues. 

A clear peaceful mind allows you to show up fully alive, fully aware and offer the greatest wisdom to your loved ones.

How do you create a clear, peaceful mind?

Step 1. Notice if you tend to overdo thoughts.

Step 2. Restore balance. 


So how do you know if you’re overdoing your thoughts….

  • Do you feel the need to keep busy to distract you from yourself?

  • Do you cycle through repetitive thought patterns without coming to a conclusion or a solution?

  • Do you find yourself making up stories in your head and believing those stories as reality?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you likely have an imbalance in your thoughts. You can balance them them through one or all of these three approaches:

*The Inward Approach - Look inward at your own mind through mindfulness. Bring present, compassionate awareness to your thoughts. Sit in stillness and observe the inner workings of your own mind. Shift from entanglement in thoughts to awareness of thoughts. 

*The Outward Approach - Bring your thoughts into physical form through verbal or written expression. Be very present to which thoughts are arising and bring them out into the world in a real way. Question the truth of your thoughts. If you have a story you believe, tell that story to someone to find out if it’s still real when you share it out loud.

*The Embodiment Approach - Too much energy in the head? Move the energy into your body! Physical activity, breath work, massage, sex and immersing yourself into the elements of nature can all help you move the energy away from your head and into your body. What other ways can you think of to move into your body?

Depending on the situation, one approach might help you more than another. Be curious about yourself. Figure out what you need and how to best balance yourself. If you’re not sure, reach out to someone who you trust and open a discussion.

Your clear mind brings you inner and outer peace. It minimizes issues and conflicts in your life, both with yourself and with those you love. It attracts other clear-minded people into your life. It is the greatest source of your sustained happiness. 

To Your Clarity and Peace,
Katie

How to Make Passionate Love Last

I have always fallen in love quickly, easily, and often. But eventually (sometimes quite rapidly), my feelings of romance, sexual desire, and passion, faded. Often they were replaced with the opposite - feelings of repulsion, annoyance, even hatred.

I inquired with family, friends and strangers, most of whom shared that they had similar experiences in relationships. It seemed the status quo accepted this as “normal”.

I began to wonder if I could have a relationship where this didn’t happen.

So I started to research this topic in depth. I talked to hundreds of people about their relationships. I studied Psychology, Tibetan Buddhism, Conscious Relating, and Human Compatibility Factors. I attended two different coaching schools. And now, 10 years later, I have a LOT of answers. And, I am in a beautiful relationship where our passion for each other is not only lasting - it’s growing. 

So, how do you make passionate love last?

#1 Be balanced in your mind & body

Lasting passion is much easier to cultivate if you experience inner vitality by getting what you need energetically. There are four main ways we acquire energy as humans: Nutrition, Sleep, Exercise and Relaxation. Eat foods that make you feel good. Stay hydrated. Sleep well. Move your body. And relax….

Next, you’ll want to fine-tune your energy. As humans we experience the world through our thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations and intuition. But most of us preferentially use only one or two of those modalities. By bringing more awareness to the other modalities, we create inner balance. Which modalities are you primarily use? Which are you avoiding?

For an example, stagnancy of emotions is one of the greatest killers of passion in relationships. Many of us were taught that we should NOT express ourselves emotionally and this is creating so much rigidity in our sexual and passionate expression in relationships! Express your emotions. E-motion is shorthand for Energy in Motion… emotions want to move, so let them move!

#2 Know and love your true self

Until you know who you are and LOVE who you are, you won’t attract people into your life who know and love you as YOU. And if you’re not being seen and loved for who you are, you will not experience lasting passion. 

#3 Find a highly compatible partner, who aligns to your true self

Compatibility really helps when it comes to creating lasting passion. Why? When you are naturally aligned, you don’t have to put a lot of energy into conflict resolution, which leaves more time for enjoyment of life, and pursuing your passions. When you are naturally aligned, you easily understand each other, which makes your lives together flow. It is possible to keep the passion alive with a less compatible partner, but it will require more work, and will take more time to understand each other. 

#4 Be creatively engaged, and encourage your partner’s creative engagement

Stay connected to your unique creative expression. What gifts do you naturally possess that contribute to the world outside of your relationship? Stay connected to those gifts, keep giving them, and encourage your partner to do the same.

There can be a tendency to become co-dependent in relationships, to immerse in each other to prioritize your partner over yourself, and to compromise yourself to “make the relationship work”. This is a HUGE killer of passion… do not fall into this trap. 

#5 Practice mindful sexuality

I love this one, because it is a powerful bio-hack. This is about using sexuality consciously, to experience sustained levels of pleasure and deep bonding. It’s about monitoring your dopamine and oxytocin levels to encourage focused connection to your partner.

Intense, explosive orgasms that are concentrated in the genitals cause a spike in the dopamine levels in the brain. This feels great in the moment, but the after effects are mild depression and a tendency to start looking for other mates. From a biological perspective, this makes sense: Spread the genetic code. But from a passionate love perspective, this approach doesn’t work. 

So, if you want to keep the passion alive between you and your partner, incorporate more bonding into your lovemaking, to produce more oxytocin, which will bond you to your partner. Eye gaze, cuddle, and make love for long periods of time. If you choose to orgasm, learn how to have relaxed full body orgasms rather than exclusively experiencing the explosive, genitally focused ones. This spreads the pleasure all throughout your being and creates a deeper sense of connection to your partner.

To your Lasting Passionate Love,

Katie

Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Sensations

If you find yourself living in your head more than you'd like, start paying attention to your sensations. Bring more awareness to your body. Notice what is there, and experience it. Distributing your consciousness more evenly throughout your body & mind gives you a more accurate perception of reality, and helps you create the life you desire. 

I find that when I do this regularly, I feel much more connected to myself and to the world around me. I notice a cool breeze on my face, I stay connected to my own hunger and thirst, and I feel much more pleasure inside of my yoni. I also am more aware of when I am doing something that is not healthy for me (like sitting for extended periods of time). It can be so easy to live in our heads, disconnected from our bodies, but there is the potential for so much more connection & pleasure if we choose to spend more time in our bodies. 

If you are not used to describing your sensations, it can be helpful to have a list to refer to. I compiled this list based on the most common sensations that I experience in my own life and in my sessions with clients. I hope this helps you come into deeper connection with your sensational experience of the world! 

Stagnant Sensations:

Tense
Tight
Contracted
Constricted
Congested
Knotted
Blocked
Suffocated
Closed
Dense
Heavy

Moving Sensations:

Shaky
Throbbing
Pounding
Fluttery
Nauseous
Prickly
Tingling
Twitchy
Buzzy
Radiating

Disconnected Sensations:

Dull
Numb
Empty
Hollow

Sensations that often indicate wellbeing:

Calm
Energized
Flowing
Warm
Cool
Relaxed
Open
Light
Spacious
Expansive
Fluid

This list is a great start, but please be creative and come up with your own words that explain your sensations most accurately! 

To your inner balance,

Katie 

The Valley Orgasm

If you’d like to experience orgasms that last longer, provide sustained energy for your entire body and mind, and inspire lasting passionate connection to your partner, this post is for you!

Due to our fast paced lifestyles, the typical western orgasm is often a build-up of tension and pleasure in the genitals followed by an explosive release that can feel intensely pleasurable and can serve as a temporary stress relief. The concentrated peaks of this style of orgasm can be intensely pleasurable in the moment, but there is often a recovery period during which you can feel tired, depleted, or even slightly depressed.

Lately I have been exploring The Valley Orgasm, which is a longer, more expansive, rolling orgasm that travels to other areas of the body and is not limited to the genitals.

The beauty of The Valley Orgasm is:

A - It feels amazing. You will feel deeply relaxed as your entire body and mind get to experience the magic of orgasmic bliss. 

B - By spreading the orgasmic energy throughout your system, you also experience cross-effects, such as laughter and ecstatic happiness, or a light spaciousness inside the head.

C - The after-effect is a feeling of being deeply nourished, energized and more connected to yourself, to your partner and to the world around you. Incorporating this type of orgasm into your lovemaking is one of the essential keys to making passionate love last in a relationship. 

So how do you have a Valley Orgasm?

It’s all about breath, visualization and relaxation. 

You can practice this process while self-pleasuring, or while receiving manual or oral pleasure from your partner, or during intercourse.

Step 1: Build pleasure inside of your genitals, and begin by visualizing the pleasure as a sphere of golden light. 

Step 2: Use your breath to manipulate the pleasure. With each inhalation, let the golden sphere expand and with each exhalation, let the golden sphere contract. Let your breath act as air fanning the flame of your pleasure.

Step 3: When you feel a considerable amount of pleasure, relax your body. Relaxation is key to allowing the pleasure to flow through you. Just like water can’t flow easily through a clogged pipe, the energy of pleasure can’t flow easily through a contracted body. 

Step 4: You will begin to inhale the golden sphere of pleasure up your spine and exhale it down the front of your body. The inhalation will happen in two parts. The first half-inhale, allow your golden sphere to travel up the back of your spine and into your heart. Pause for one second. The second half-inhale, allow your golden sphere to travel from your heart to the crown of your head. Then, touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and let your golden sphere travel down the front of your body back to your genitals. Continue cycling your golden sphere of pleasure like this for at least 15 minutes. (The longer you spend, the longer and more expansive the orgasm has the potential to be.)

Step 5: When feel the energy moving and cycling on its own, you can allow the breath to return to it’s natural fluidity (with no mid-inhalation pause). Keep relaxing the body as much as possible, allowing the breath to freely flow through you, allowing the pleasure to freely flow through you.

Step 6: Release into orgasm and ride the waves! This experience will be unique to you, but generally, you will feel a rolling quality to the orgasm, an expansion of the pleasure throughout your body, and a state of deep surrender and relaxation. You may experience profound emotional states such as bliss. Do not repress anything you are experiencing. Let yourself release in all ways, emotionally, physically and by freeing your voice.

A few things to note:

*This process takes practice! Feeling energy moving throughout your body is an experience available to all of us, but you must be patient and allow yourself the time to develop an awareness of your energy and a certain sense of control over it.

*If you are used to holding tension to create orgasm, you will have to train yourself out of that pattern. While you are learning, it is helpful to blend the old way with the new. So, for example, you could allow your body to relax on each inhale, and then create tension in your genitals on each exhale. This will blend the old neuronal pathway in the brain with the new neuronal pathway that you are creating.

*Pleasure takes on a different quality depending on where it is in the body. Pleasure as you know it in the genitals is going to have a different quality in the heart, in the throat, in the head, etc. This is why I recommend visualizing the pleasure as a golden sphere, so that you can allow it to transmute into whatever form it naturally takes on in other areas of the body.  Try not to hold any expectations of what pleasure will be like in other areas of the body, instead allow yourself to fully experience your sensations.

To your Enhanced Pleasure & Passion, 

Katie

Being a Fully Present Lover

“The way of the lover is to be fully present. May we live the potential of the moment, shedding the distractions of the mind’s busy plans. No direct experience of the wondrous is possible without being emptied of distraction.” - C.M. Kleefeld

The greatest gift you can give to yourself and to your relationships… is to BE HERE NOW. Bliss, intimacy and pleasure only exist in the present moment. If you are open to them, you can freely access these experiences.

Make an intention to be fully present in your relationships, in your love, in your sexuality. Learn to be with yourself in all of your experiences so that you can be with your (present or future) lover in a deeper way than they have ever experienced. Overcome the distractions in your mind and your body that take you out of the moment. Choose to experience what is happening here and now.

Take the time to illuminate and move through your issues from past relationships, so that those same issues do not present themselves again. Do not project the issues of your past relationships onto your present relationships. Instead, choose to show up fresh and open for each person in your life, allowing yourself to see them for who they are right now, in this moment.

How to cultivate deeper presence?

Create a daily mindfulness meditation practice. Learn to be present with your own mind and body, to observe and become familiar with your internal experience. Become intimate with your thoughts, emotions, feelings and sensations. Connect to all aspects of yourself with loving compassion.

Free yourself from fears, judgments, limiting beliefs and stories.Illuminate and acknowledge everything you hold inside of you, even the difficult things that you may feel embarrassed or ashamed of. Once you face your darknesses, they begin to transform into light. If you do not bring awareness to these aspects of yourself, they will subconsciously rule your life and interfere with your relationships and your sexuality.

Follow your vibrancy. Create a lifestyle that makes you feel alive, healthy, and alert. Get enough sleep. Eat foods that give you sustained energy. Drink quality water. Make time for relaxation throughout the day. Move your body in a way that feels balancing for you. Spend as much of your time as possible doing things that make you feel vibrantly alive. Surround yourself with beauty. Nourish the body so that your presence is unhindered by physical imbalances. 

To your blissful presence in love,

Katie