A Guide to Consciously Turning On a Woman

A woman gets aroused from the outside in. Take your time, do NOT rush her, do NOT prematurely enter her. This takes a lot of discipline, but it will be well worth it. A fully turned on woman means longer, deeper more connected pleasure for the both of you. 

Start with her non-genital erogenous zones. Gaze into her eyes, connecting to her soul. Gently caress and massage her body. Ask her where on her body she likes to be touched, and touch her there. Ask her if it feels good, and if not, what she would prefer.

Spend time massaging her legs and thighs. Her legs are the pillars to her temple, so if you can relax her legs, her yoni will relax and open.

The positive pole of a woman’s sexuality is her heart, meaning if you open her heart, you’ll open her yoni. (This is opposite of a man, whose positive pole is his cock). You’ll want to connect with her emotionally, genuinely show her that you love her and care about her. Make her feel safe and connected to you.

You may gently cup and massage her breasts, which are connected to her heart. Massaging the breasts relaxes and opens up the yoni. You can gently stroke or suck her nipples if she enjoys that. Again, if you aren’t sure, ask her what she likes.

If you feel or sense that she wants to be kissed on the lips, kiss her. Relax your mouth and tongue as you kiss her, this will help her relax too.

Take your time with her, and eliminate all expectation for what will happen, simply be in the moment, be with her, tune into her body, give her what she needs. Hold the masculine for her by showing her that you’ve got her, so that she can relax fully into her feminine.

When you sense that she is fully relaxed, you may move your attention to her vulva. Before you touch her vulva, look at it and tell her specific ways in which you find it to be beautiful. You can appreciate its physical form, or its capabilities, or anything else that you love. Then place your hands one on top of the other over her vulva and pressurize it with your entire palm. This will make her feel safe and secure. 

A woman has a vast network of erectile tissue in her body. All erectile tissue within the yoni fills with blood and plumps up when a woman is aroused - first the clitoris and the vestibular (labial) bulbs, and then the urethral sponge (which holds the G-spot) and the perineal sponge (above the perineum).

I recommend first pleasuring the labia, as the labia generally do not need moisture to be comfortable, while the rest of the yoni often does. To engorge the erectile tissue of the labia, gently stroke the labia with your fingers, or use the palm of your hand or your thigh to firmly and evenly press against them. With your thumb on one side of her labia and two fingers on the other side, you can gently pinch her outer lips together. You can even slap her vulva, just be sure to check with her about how much pressure she likes.

Once her labial bulbs are engorged (they will literally feel puffy), you can move to pleasure her clitoris. Using moisture from her or a natural lubricant, stroke the shaft of the clitoris using circular motions. Direct stimulation of the head may be too intense for some women, as it contains 6000-8000 nerve endings! Be sure to check in with her about the pressure, speed and stroke that she prefers. Continue to pleasure the clitoris and the external genitalia to bring her to a high level of arousal - this will ensure that her internal sponges plump up, making her ripe for entry. 

Tune into her experience… is she making sounds? Are her hips moving? Is she in her head or her body? Does she feel ready? These are all cues as to her level of arousal. Once she seems very aroused, you may consider moving your fingers inside of her. Feel for wetness at the entrance and add more as needed. Different women have varying levels of wetness and every woman has varying levels depending on where she is in her cycle. Be gentle at the entrance, as it is a very sensitive place for many women. Move your fingers ever so slowly inside of her. 

Once inside, you can look for the urethral sponge, the erectile tissue which contains the G-spot aka fire trigger. The specific location of the fire trigger varies from woman to woman. The urethral sponge is a tube that wraps around the urinary tract and contains the paraurethral glands, the source of female ejaculation aka squirting! You will find it somewhere along the front wall of the vagina.

The perineal sponge is best accessed through the back wall of the vagina and/ or the anus. Once engorged, both of the sponges like firm, rhythmical rubbing and thrusting. To stimulate the sponges, try:

  • One finger or two (try both, see how she responds)

  • ”Come here” gesture, stroking along the length

  • Windshield wiper, firmly back and forth

  • Two fingers inside, thumb outside, grip the whole area and vibrate your hand, start small and get more and more intense

  • Run your fingers along the “gutters” on either side of the tube. Reach back to the end of the tube and pull it towards you

If she feels like she has to pee (and her bladder is empty), she may not be aroused enough for stimulation of the inner sponges, in which case you can remove your fingers and return to external stimulation.

If you feel all of her erectile tissue very plump and her yoni abundantly wet, it is almost certain that she will want you to enter her with your cock. If so, enter her gently and enjoy the fruits of your labor!